My wife keeps asking if I remember the accident

“That’s a cow! Cow goes mooooo,” my daughter sang from the backseat, pointing out the window to the field of cattle that whizzed by us as we drove down the long country road.

“Look, Mommy!” she shouted excitedly. “Moo cows! Moooooo!”

My wife smiled at her in the mirror as she did her eyeliner.

“I see that, honey,” she grinned. “The cow goes mooooo, doesn’t it, honey?”

She nudged my shoulder a bit, prompting me to respond.

“Uh, yeah,” I replied, coming out of my daze. It felt like we had been driving for hours, and the long country road was starting to numb my mind a little. “The cow goes mooooo.”

My daughter giggled and clapped from the backseat, etching a small smile across my face. I can’t describe how good her laughter makes me feel. There’s a certain pride that comes with knowing your little girl is happy.

As we drove on, she began to announce everything she saw.

“Look, Mommy, there’s no clouds today.”

“Look, Daddy, there’s so many trees.”

“Guys, look, more cows!”

My mind began to wander again. I felt sad, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. Everything was perfect. We had a whole beach day planned, the trunk was full of snacks and drinks, and, as my daughter had mentioned, there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. Why could I not shake this feeling that something was wrong?

“I have a fun idea, Roxxy,” my wife chimed, flipping her visor closed. “Why don’t we sing a song? It’ll help pass the time, right, munchkin?”

“Yes,” my daughter cried out immediately. “I wanna sing, I wanna sing.”

I kinda had to roll my eyes a bit. I knew I was in for at least another hour of road tunes and singalongs. I retreated further inside myself. I’d managed to tune out the noise and focus on the road, but my wife quickly brought me back to reality after only about 15 minutes.

She and my daughter had been singing “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” in perfect unison before my wife suddenly stopped and turned to me.

“You remember this song, right?”

“The Itsy Bitsy Spider? Yeah, I think I’m pretty familiar.”

“No, silly. It’s more than that. It’s the song we were singing the day it happened.”

I froze.

“The day it happened? The day what happened?”

My wife didn’t respond. Instead, she went right back to singing with our daughter. The same song. Over and over again as I drove further down that long country road.

The words kept inching across my brain. I could feel that they meant something. The meaning was right at the edge of my mind, but I couldn’t bring it to the forefront no matter how hard I tried.

“The itsy bitsy spider goes up the water spout.”

I drove on.

“Down came the rain and washed the spider out.”

I continued driving.

“Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.”

I noticed a familiar landmark.

“And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.”

The lyrics filled the car. They were deafening, as though hundreds of people were singing. I glanced out the window and noticed the scarred tree just off the road. The patch of grass that was still in the process of regrowing after a car had swerved off the road, leaving two dirt trails in its wake. But the main thing I noticed was the crucifix that rested at the base of the tree, and all the flowers and stuffed animals that surrounded it.

The car was quiet now. Painfully quiet. I looked around, and both my wife and daughter stared at me curiously.

“It wasn’t your fault,” my wife said softly.

My eyes stung with tears. I had to force them closed to regain my bearings. The last thing I remembered was the sound of my daughter’s voice crying out to me one last time.

“It’s okay, Daddy! I love you!”

I opened my eyes. The car was empty, but I could still smell my wife’s perfume.

I collected myself and tried to continue, but a sound from the field adjacent to me had me falling apart all over again.

“Moooooooo.”